Just Not Like That

If you heard the following conversation, you would probably know exactly what Jill is trying to say:

Jan: "Hey Jill, I heard through the grapevine that Bill is going to ask you out!"
Jill: "Oh, that's nice..."
Jan: "What's the matter? Don't you like him."
Jill: "I do. Just not like that."

Hmm, just not like that? I can't really say that this phrase is womanese since guys use it too, which luckily means that everyone understands it, except maybe people who learned English as a second language.

The same people might also have a tough time interpreting the following phrases of yesteryear:

"No Duh" or "No Doy"
"Talk to the hand"
"Sike!"
"Peace out"
"Aiight"
"As if"
"Hecka" (in Utah at least. Yes, this is a clean blog)
"Phat"
"The bomb"
"Not!" (tagged on after a sentence)
"How come?" (meaning "What?"...I guess we still say this, but it doesn't really make sense)

Anyway, some of those we should try to bring back. Others, me might try to forget about.

Games

In my experience, members of the church play games way more than everyone else. In fact, I don't think Uno would exist if it weren't for church members.

The funny thing about playing games with church members is that you're never actually playing the game by the normal rules. No, everyone got bored with those rules a long time ago. That's when they started making up their own rules.

We don't play Uno, we play "Card for talking," or "Spaz Uno." We don't play Spoons (which I think we made up anyway) we play "Full-contact spoons." We don't play Scrabble, we play "Speed Scrabble." We don't play Rook, we play "Mormon rook." We don't play Tag, we play "Missionary tag." The list could go on.

Do I think we should stop thinking up new games to entertain ourselves on Monday nights? Let me put it this way: No, I do not.

Tipping

Inspired by some discussion between Emily Jane and myself, I raise the question we have all been avoiding for years: Do we need to tip the people at Sonic?

On the one hand, it is just a fast food place, and they don't ask for tips at McDonald's or Burger King. On the other, they do bring the food out to your car.

The same question could be asked about the tip cups at ice cream places that seem to be popping up like old girlfriends on Valentines Day. Aren't they just doing their job by getting me the ice cream?

Then again, waiters and barbers are just doing their job, and I always expect to tip them.

Then we have to ask ourselves, where does the tipping end?! The way we are going, will I eventually be tipping the librarian for helping me find a book? or the checker at the grocery store for scanning my food?

The answer to these questions may be the same as the answer to the question of how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop: the world may never know.

Packaging

Some companies just don't make easy-to-open containers when their competitors
do. I'm surprised the market hasn't driven these hard-to-open containers out. For example:





Hard to open ice-cream with that weird flap on the side vs. easy to open removable tops



Hard to open capri-suns vs. easy to open squeeze-its (oddly enough, it was squeeze-its that were done away with. Although I can open a capri-sun now, the target consumer is kids who are about seven years old and probably squirt it all over themselves every time they try to open it)



Then you have CDs...When other products are coming out claiming to be able to easily open your product, wouldn't you suspect there is a problem with your packaging?

Serving Size

Serving sizes must be made so that the food you're eating doesn't seem as bad for you as it really is. The other day I bought a cookie and on the package it said "Servings Per Container: 4"

I thought maybe it was an error, I mean, there was only one cookie in the bag, but no, the serving size was 1/4 cookie, and this was a very average size cookie.

I guess they wanted it to seem like the cookie only had 230 calories when it really had 920.

Matt just bought me a vitamin water (I thought I would "try it") and the servings per container is 2.5. I guess they would have felt dumb if the serving had 250% vitamin C so they cut down the serving size.

Once I bought a candy bar that was three serving sizes.

Well, in retrospect, maybe the food companies are trying to get us to share more. I mean, when I saw that the candy bar was supposed to be for three people, I kind of felt selfish eating it all by myself.

Fads

We have all fallen victim to different fads at one point or another.

Here are a few of mine. What are yours?

The Bowl Cut

The Slap Bracelet

The Foakleys

The Etch-a-sketch

Pogs

The Wilk

This morning I woke up really early to study before my final at 7:00. After studying at home for a while I decided to go up to campus for a change of venue.

I went to the Wilk since I knew the library would be closed. When I approached the door I noticed a sign in the inside of the door that was unreadable because the metal door frames were blocking it.

I figured it said that the building was closed but since the lights were on I gave the door a push and to my surprise it opened, knocking off the sign, as it was resting on the door handle.

The sign did say that the building was closed, but I figured that they just didn't take the sign down yet, because obviously the building was open. I went in, sat down on a couch and studied for almost an hour when I heard, "How did you get in? The building's closed."

I felt like saying something like, "Oh I just climbed in through the roof," or "I used a glass cutter," but this guy didn't look like he would appreciate that kind of response.

Without trying to be smart I said, "Through those doors." He went over to them, saw they were open, and said he was surprised an alarm didn't sound. He didn't look to happy with me but didn't kick me out since the building was going to open in 5 minutes anyway.

Naps

I love a good nap, just like I love a good night's rest. You know how I know if it was good? If I have no concept of time or space when I wake up. For instance, today when I woke up from my nap, I had no idea if I was waking up in the morning or night, what day it was, or what my name was. That was a good nap.

On the flip side, during finals or any time of stress I will wake up over and over during the night from nightmares of sleeping through the final. I end up waking up way to early, I know exactly where I am and why I can't sleep.

Womanese

Womanese is an interesting language. It sounds just like English but is basically a language of false cognates that throw off non-speakers. You may think you understood perfectly when in reality you did not. (Refer to the image of the old man contemplates womanese with Willow).

I don't claim to speak womanese, but I have picked up a few phrases here and there. For example (translation in italics):

Notice anything new?

I can't believe you didn't already say something about my new outfit (or whatever it is) but I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself by noticing now and telling me how much you love it

I'm not ready for a relationship right now

I don't want to have a relationship with you. Hopefully someone else comes along.

We should hang out sometime
Why haven't you asked me out yet!

It's up to you

Pick what I want

I just want to get to know you better
I don't want to see you again

Let me think about it

No

Maybe
Still no

No

That was a stupid question

Weather

It's April 11, and I just walked home in the snow.

Rob put it well when he said:

"Dude, Satan may not have control over the waters, but in Utah he definitely has control over the weather!"

Catch-22

Sometimes I can't study because I'm too anxious, but the reason I'm anxious is because I haven't studied.

Sometimes I don't go to bed early because I took a nap during the day. But the reason I took a nap during the day is because I couldn't go to bed early the night before.

And sometimes I can't concentrate on school work because there's a good game on ESPN.

I know that last one isn't a catch-22, but it is soo true.

T-Shirts

I bet I could go the rest of my life without buying another t-shirt for two reasons:

1. they last a long time

2. free t-shirts are all over the place.  I've got free (or basically free) shirts from basketball games, my fhe group, march of dimes participation, choirs I sang in, Disney World...the list is endless.  I even got one for voting in the BYUSA elections.  

I don't know who is footing the bill for all of these t-shirts, but I hope they keep it up.

Actually, I just put on my economist hat and realized that I probably am paying for these shirts indirectly through higher ticket prices, entrance fees, tuition, etc...oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Speed Walker

I have a tendency to walk fast, even when I'm not in a hurry.

Sometimes when I see other fast walkers I make it a race, without letting them know. I almost always win.

I should probably just chill out and walk slower...but I do win most of the time.

Leavers

Today I got to go to two sessions of General Conference! I noticed that at both sessions people started leaving before it was over...I guess they thought we were ahead by so much it wasn't worth seeing the very end.

The Wave

"Do we know each other?" said Cary Grant
"Why? Do you think we're going to?" replied Audrey Hepburn

These lines come from "Charade", and they bring up an interesting situation.

We all know it's embarrassing to see someone waving in your direction and mistakenly assume they are waving to you as you return the wave, only to realize that they are waving to someone behind you. Sometimes, but not likely, embarrassment can be avoided if you keep waving as you pass the person to make them think you were waving to someone behind them. However, this is only marginally embarrassing since you obviously don't know the person, and aren't likely to see them again.

However, even more embarrassing is assuming that the person is waving to someone behind you, only to realize that they are were waving to you and you can't remember who they are! "Hey Jon!" "Oh, hi...how are you?" Now I have someone in front of me who surprisingly knows all about me and I can't even think of their name or how I might know them. This is much more embarrassing. But can you blame me? I mean, I've been going to BYU so long that everyone's face seems familiar to me, so I can't assume I know someone just because I recognize their face. And since I'm bad with names, I'm stuck in a rut.

The effect: Now sometimes I don't even say hello to people I know if they don't see me because my mind has been conditioned to link awkwardness with running into people unexpectedly. I am trying to get out of this habit...the best solution I can see is to graduate and move away from Provo.

Load Size

This is the knob on the washer in our apartment. I haven't done a medium load since I moved in.

It's either small, or EXTRA large! Nothing in between!