Old Timers

There are many things I'm grateful for. Most of them are obvious, but some of them you might not guess. Like I'm grateful that spelling was not a school subject after third grade. I'm also grateful I wasn't born in the future. Based on most futuristic movies things are not going to be as good as you might think. I'm also grateful that I'm old enough to remember when Vanilla Ice was cool, but young enough at the time that I never actually tried to be like him...

It's funny to think about the things I used to think we were all saying, and then when I got older I finally realized we were saying something else. Like "old timer's disease" (Alzheimer's) or that we are "human beans." Actually, I think that last one was what Rob used to think...

Dreams

I almost always wake up remembering dreams. Even when I take naps or fall asleep in class, I normally remember some weird dream I was having. My dreams are just that though: weird. Occasionally they are really sad or disturbing. I have died many many times in my dreams, and on occasion somebody else dies, but mostly its me, and I spend the rest of the dream as a spirit.

You know how you dream that you're falling and then you wake up right before you hit the ground? I just hit the ground and then float around as a ghost the rest of the dream. I have accidentally driven a bus off a cliff (Carter was in it with me, and I apologized for my reckless driving as we were falling), been shot in the head (this one was actually kind of cool because I could feel the hot blood run down the side of my face before I actually died), and been wiped out by an atomic bomb (I could see the mushroom cloud and the wall of fire headed my way and I knew that it was useless to run so I just stood there and took it) just to name a few ways. I've even tried to find the spirit world in a dream before, because I knew that was where I was supposed to go next.

Does all of this mean that I am destined to face death someday?...I can't really say...but yes.

Men's Shoes

Myth: Men do not have a lot of shoes.

Fact: Men do have a lot of shoes.

The reason for this common misconception is that guys do not often have a ton of casual shoes, just a couple pair that will match anything. However, we have to get shoes for lots of other purposes: basketball, running, church, yard work, flip flops, cleats, etc.

Women, however, have lots of shoes for a different reason: a pair for every outfit...very different from guys since we don't even have "outfits," we just have clothes.

Otter*Pops

Otter Pops are amazing. I don't even pretend that I'm going to eat just one anymore. I usually grab a whole sleeve and bring the scissors with me.

As for the other imitation brands. Some of them can be good, but I haven't met any that are quite as good, and some are actually pretty bad. And since Otter Pops come out to 3.5 cents each, it is worth going with the name brand on this one.

Red Heads

Most people think all red-heads look alike. I can't tell you how many times I have been talking with someone and another red head passes by and they ask me, "Hey are you guys related?" or "Hey there's your twin."

Oh yeah? Well you don't see me going around telling you you look just like everyone else with blond hair, or brown hair, or whatever color hair you have. Why? Oh c'mon!

Even in movies. People have told me I look like this guy from "A Beautiful Mind" and "A Knight's Tale."

...the funniest part is that you all reading this are probably looking at the picture thinking, "yeah, you do look just like him."

Bad Sequels

There are a lot of bad sequels out there. Why? This is my theory. If the first movie is good, the film makers figure that if they make another movie everyone who liked the first one will still see the second one even if it gets bad reviews.

The real problem is this: they are right!

Disney takes the most advantage of this fact. I feel like they make seconds of any and every movie and only a select few are any good. Think about it. Pocahontas II? Yeah. That's why we shouldn't go see bad sequels. If it gets bad reviews, don't go.

There are the rare sequels that are actually better than their predecessors. Like Rocky IV was the best one. Bourne Ultimatum may be the best of the three, but that's debatable.

Then there are the sequels that start to get ridiculous. How many Land Before Times are they going to make? And High School Musical III? Hmm...

Merit Badges

A few merit badge ideas that the BSA never approved:

Changes

It's always awkward when you notice something new about someone you know, but can't really compliment them on it because it wouldn't be a compliment. For example, when you suddenly see an acquaintance with a bad haircut, or new funny-looking glasses, or singed eye brows or something, you just go on like you didn't notice.

It gets awkward, though, when in the middle of the conversation they mention it and you have to act like you didn't really notice before. It's like, "hey, I accidentally singed off my eye brows," and you reply with "Oh really? I didn't even notice," when really you're thinking, "yeah, uh, I'm not blind."

Kid Tricks

Isn't it funny the way kids trick eachother? Like, if one kid wants to play a videogame that the other one is playing, he will say "Oh, let me play, I'm really good at this level." Doesn't the other kid know that it doesn't matter if he is good because it's no fun to watch him.

Or like when you want to get a kid to do something they don't want to do, all you have to do is race them to do it, and they're off.

The Couch

If my wife ever threatened me with," then you're sleeping on the couch," I would not feel threatened. I sleep on the couch all the time. If it is a good couch and it's long enough, I sleep just as well if not better on a couch. Plus, couches are often placed in front of the tv, so you have something to fall asleep to.

Maybe I would pretend to feel threatened so I could do whatever I was going to do, sleep on the couch and be fine with it, and then she could keep using that threat and I wouldn't care.

Actually, I wouldn't want to be married to someone who makes threats like that to me. I mean, it's like the girls who never want to hang out with me. I wouldn't want to marry them anyway. Can you imagine being married to someone who never returns your calls and only wants to hang out with other people?...me neither.

Flying

For some reason, when I fly I always get ginger ale. I almost never get it anywhere else.

I also can't help but fall asleep on the plane. Even when I want to stay awake I can't help it, which is weird, because I'm usually not really comfortable.

Hot Hot Hot

Have you ever been in the shower and noticed a sudden change in water pressure?

That is a scary moment, because you know that the water is about to come out either really hot, or really cold.

Not much you can do either. You could turn the water off really quick, or go to the back and just burn your feet.

Food Aromas

When I walk by a bakery or a barbecue or any place where cooking is going on I always think it smells good. Most people do right?

"Mmm, smells like someone is barbecuing, it smells so good."

But then you go to the barbecue and you end up smelling like the barbecue. For some reason when the aroma transfers from the steak to your clothes it no longer smells good.

"Wow, you smell like you just got back from a barbecue," is not a compliment. It means you should put on some different clothes, "'cause you stank."

The same goes for restaurants. You walk in and, "Oo, smells good." Then you when you leave you have to apologize to everyone, "Sorry I smell, I just got back from [insert restaurant here]."

Why is that?

Circles

You know how whenever you are somewhere were there are a lot of people (like a party, or ward prayer) everyone tends to get into little circles to talk? Well, sometimes you get into one of those conversations and you realize that you would rather leave your circle and join another one, but you can't really do it without being obvious.

I mean, it's not like you're on the phone and can just say that you have to go do something like...they are going to see you walk over to the other circle and start talking.

You can try the fake cough, turn your head and walk away...
You can try to pretend like you have to ask someone in the other circle something...
You can start talking about how you recently started buying the generic brand of baked beans and when you take off the label you can't tell the difference. That might drive everyone else out of the circle.

But really, maybe the best thing to do is to have a determined look in your eyes and say "excuse me." Ain't nothing nobody's gonna do about that.

ESPN

ESPN is the only channel that was so good they had to make another one just like it: ESPN2

Clothes

Today I bought some new clothes. This is always an interesting experience. I hate shopping for clothes, yet I like getting new clothes...catch-22.

Probably what I dislike most is trying on clothes. It's funny though, because for some reason I always imagine that once I put the clothes on I will look just like the people in the pictures all over the store, having fun, looking good, probably with wet hair for some reason...but when I try them on, it's just me again, with new clothes.

Cereal

For most of the things I get at the grocery store I just pick the cheapest brand, unless it looks gross, but for cereal it is a much harder decision.

Am I feeling healthy or do I give in to the sweet tooth?
How much does it cost?
How big is the box?
Are there any prizes inside?
Is there a maze on the back?
These are all things I have to consider before making my decision.

Today I couldn't really decide so I got the Reeses cereal and Blueberry Morning. Between the two they fit all the criteria minus the prize inside.

Bee Money

The Noni Videos

Tahitian Noni...More than meets the taste bud.

Just Not Like That

If you heard the following conversation, you would probably know exactly what Jill is trying to say:

Jan: "Hey Jill, I heard through the grapevine that Bill is going to ask you out!"
Jill: "Oh, that's nice..."
Jan: "What's the matter? Don't you like him."
Jill: "I do. Just not like that."

Hmm, just not like that? I can't really say that this phrase is womanese since guys use it too, which luckily means that everyone understands it, except maybe people who learned English as a second language.

The same people might also have a tough time interpreting the following phrases of yesteryear:

"No Duh" or "No Doy"
"Talk to the hand"
"Sike!"
"Peace out"
"Aiight"
"As if"
"Hecka" (in Utah at least. Yes, this is a clean blog)
"Phat"
"The bomb"
"Not!" (tagged on after a sentence)
"How come?" (meaning "What?"...I guess we still say this, but it doesn't really make sense)

Anyway, some of those we should try to bring back. Others, me might try to forget about.