Milk Crusties

Have you ever made a shake and then realized that you accidentally must have diced up some sort of plastic item along with everything else, but you try to drink it anyway because you don't want to waste this otherwise perfectly good shake, so you first try to separate the plastic in your mouth and then spit it out, but then you just gulp it down because you figure plastic never killed anyone, and then you can't take it anymore and throw the rest away? I have. It was kind of gross.

I would say it was a milk jug crusty, but there was way to much crustiness to be from a milk jug. Those crusties are out there to get us though. They just sit on the lip of the milk jug waiting for you to pour so it can jump down into your glass and drown in the milk. Nothing you can do, really. The key is prevention.

Old Man Strength

Once you get to 40 or so, you begin to have old man strength. It's an interesting phenomenon, but they are a lot stronger than you would think. Never underestimate the old man strength when picking a fight.

Pop quiz: Who would win in a fight, Jason Bourne or James Bond?

Answer #1: If it were a James Bond movie, then Bond. Although Jason Bourne is an amazing fighter, James Bond would have some sort of gadget that would kill Jason Bourne when he least expected.

Answer #2: If it were a Bourne Movie, then Jason Bourne. It doesn't matter what kind of gadgets Bond has, Bourne will probably end up killing Bond with his own toothbrush.

Real Answer: It is irrelevant. By the end of the movie Chuck Norris would have killed them both.

Prussia

I am learning lots of stuff in my History class this semester. Like, did you know that Prussia was not some combination of Russia and Poland. Didn't have anything to do with either one. But with a name like Prussia, who wouldn't think that?

I mean, if there was a new country called the Punited States of America where do you think it would be?

Match

Is is okay to wear brown and grey together? I mean, if I want to wear grey all-stars with brown cords (which I am right now) that goes right?

It has to go, you know why? I have a shirt that is grey and brown striped. If it doesn't go, then that shirt doesn't match with itself! How can a shirt not match with itself?

I rest my case.

Sugar

"Too sweet?! How can something be too sweet?! What, is it too good?! I mean I can see something being too sour or too bitter, but too sweet?!"

- Rob

I can only agree with you Rob. I have quite a sweet tooth, but I can't help it, it's in my genes. Grandpa Hintze, Dad, Amy. I mean, how does anyone not have a sweet tooth? How does candy or cake or karo syrup not taste good to them?

I just don't get it. Sweet is good. May I modify a quote.

"Don't try to make it too sweet, that would be impossible. Only try to realize the truth."

"What truth?"

"There is no too sweet."

Internet

My posts have become few and far between. This is because I don't have any internet where I live. I have essentially warped back into the early 90s. And when I'm working, and have access to the internet, I don't have anything good to post about. All my ideas come when I'm at home, singing in the shower, throwing around the bouncy ball, or staring at the ceiling...

Bottles

Why do they put the conditioner in the good container on the right and the shampoo in the less good container on the left?

Don't we all agree that one is superior? It's like the ketchup companies that still put their ketchup in the bottles that are way harder to get the ketchup from.

Towel Racks

It seems like no matter where I go, the towel rack doesn't quite fit two towels on it. One is always a little scrunched up.

I wonder if it is a conspiracy. Like hot dogs and hot dog buns.

Movie Ratings

When I am browsing through movies, I don't only like to see what they are rated, I like to see why they are rated what they are. You'd be surprised sometimes with what you find. Sure there's the usual "For violence, mild peril, and some innuendo," but every once in a while they have other reasons for the rating. Like:

Quirky situations - Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

Some double-entendres - Dr. Seuss' The Cat In The Hat

Swashbuckling action - Shrek the Third

Intense depiction of very bad weather - Twister

Non-stop creature action violence - Van Helsing

Keep your eyes peeled, and I'm sure you'll find some good ones.

Native American

When you hear the words "Native American" what do you think?  Maybe a dark-skinned, black-haired person with a feather in his hair, like the guy in the photo.  That is such a stereotype.

Well, guess what?  I know a Native American with light skin and red hair who wears cardinals hats.  Me.

Yes, I am a Native American.  100%, actually.  I was born in America, and if I'm not Native American what am I?  I rest my case.

Sign Wavers

We've all seen them, and we can't avoid them: sign wavers. They stand on street corners all over the nation spinning, twirling, and in all other ways waving their signs around to try to get your business.

How effective are they? I don't know, but they haven't convinced me to shop anywhere, and if anything have deterred me.

I don't know that there is much job security for a sign waver in these economically hard times we are going through. It seems like they would be so easily replaced by, you know, a pole or something.

That would be a hard one to take wouldn't it? You show up to work and your boss lays you off, and when you ask why he doesn't say its downsizing or that you've been doing a bad job, but he just realized he could buy a $5 post to hold up the sign and have the same effect.

...poor sign wavers...

Wedding Tickets

What if instead of wedding announcements, you sent out wedding tickets? That way you wouldn't have to worry about wedding crashers.

I showed Laura this example of what our tickets could look like...we didn't end up going with it in the end.

Observations

A couple final observations from 2008.

For some reason, when waiters pour water, they always pour out of the side of the pitcher, and not from the spout. A lot of the time some water spills on the table.

When I tried to find nail clippers at the store, I couldn't find them near all of the other personal hygiene items. You would think they would be next to the shaving cream or the tooth brushes, but no. I was finally informed that they were next to all of the women's nail care stuff, which was surrounded by other female-only items like lipstick and makeup. I almost didn't want to go over there to get them. There are certain parts of the store that I just prefer to avoid.

Since it's the beginning of a new year, let me know what your favorite post was from last year. Maybe I can do more like that...

Spelling Bee

I'm the first to admit it. I am not a good speller. It's just one of those things. English doesn't have any rhyme or reason to the way things are spelled, so how am I supposed to know how to spell things.

The i before e rule only works half the time, I don't even know why we teach that one. Sometimes it's f, sometimes is ph, x can sound like a z, c and k are the same. Its a joke. Silent es are all over the place.

The worst is when you ask someone how to spell something and they say to look it up. Uh, if I don't know how to spell it, how am I supposed to look it up?

8-minute abs

8-minute abs is a joke. Anyone who has done them would agree. I mean, isn't the point of a workout to get stronger.

I didn't even feel sore the next day when I did 8-minute abs. I dropped out after the first 20 seconds and just laid there until the rest of the 8 minutes was up. It was way too hard.

But lets be honest, even if you have the strongest abs in the world buried under two inches of fat nobody is going to see your six pack...it will look more like a keg. If you want to work on your six pack, running on the tread mill might be more useful.

Anyway, I don't think any normal human being can actually do 8-minute abs. If you can...then you are not a normal human being...

Let Go

When you have a job, you can either quit, get fired, or be let go.

I recently learned about the difference between getting fired and being let go. Apparently being let go is the result of downsizing or related problems, where you didn't actually do a bad job, but they can't keep you.

I wonder if there is a word for a similar situation in dating relationships. I mean, you can break up with someone, be dumped or...what? What is the equivalent of being let go? You know, like when you are dating someone and they are doing a good job but you can't keep dating them because you are moving to China, or you ran out of money or something...I wonder.

Sith

I love fruit...fruit roll-ups, fruit snacks, trix...

Anyway, I had a deep thought earlier when talking with Rob. When Obi-Wan tells Anakin that "only a Sith deals in absolutes," was he admitting to being a Sith?

Robots

Jim: "Can Humans and Robots ever peacefully coexist?"
Dwight: "Impossible...with the way they're programmed."

Well, guess what. Robots will never take over the world. I saw WALL.E last night and couldn't ignore the fact that it is basically another movie about robots almost taking over the human race. This is not the first movie of its kind. There is iRobot, Eagle Eye, the Matrix, and 2001: A Space Odyssey to name a few.

But seriously, robots will never take over the world, and they will never have feelings and emotions...and that's all I have to say about that.

Afros

Afros aren't as "in" as they used to be. I mean, think about how many people used to have afros and don't any more.














Michael Jackson...
















Dr. J....














Me...
Who knows, maybe they will come back into style some day.

Olive Skin

Rob and I were talking about it the other day, and we decided that nobody actually has "olive" skin. I mean, take Jennifer Lopez for example. Most people would say that she has "olive" skin, but it does not look olive colored to me. It looks more like light brown/skin colored.


To illustrate this point, take a look at this picture of Jennifer Lopez, and then look at these olive. Same color? No, not really.






This is her with olive skin. I think the only people who could claim olive skin are Cain and the Wicked Witch of the West.