8-minute abs

8-minute abs is a joke. Anyone who has done them would agree. I mean, isn't the point of a workout to get stronger.

I didn't even feel sore the next day when I did 8-minute abs. I dropped out after the first 20 seconds and just laid there until the rest of the 8 minutes was up. It was way too hard.

But lets be honest, even if you have the strongest abs in the world buried under two inches of fat nobody is going to see your six pack...it will look more like a keg. If you want to work on your six pack, running on the tread mill might be more useful.

Anyway, I don't think any normal human being can actually do 8-minute abs. If you can...then you are not a normal human being...

Let Go

When you have a job, you can either quit, get fired, or be let go.

I recently learned about the difference between getting fired and being let go. Apparently being let go is the result of downsizing or related problems, where you didn't actually do a bad job, but they can't keep you.

I wonder if there is a word for a similar situation in dating relationships. I mean, you can break up with someone, be dumped or...what? What is the equivalent of being let go? You know, like when you are dating someone and they are doing a good job but you can't keep dating them because you are moving to China, or you ran out of money or something...I wonder.

Sith

I love fruit...fruit roll-ups, fruit snacks, trix...

Anyway, I had a deep thought earlier when talking with Rob. When Obi-Wan tells Anakin that "only a Sith deals in absolutes," was he admitting to being a Sith?

Robots

Jim: "Can Humans and Robots ever peacefully coexist?"
Dwight: "Impossible...with the way they're programmed."

Well, guess what. Robots will never take over the world. I saw WALL.E last night and couldn't ignore the fact that it is basically another movie about robots almost taking over the human race. This is not the first movie of its kind. There is iRobot, Eagle Eye, the Matrix, and 2001: A Space Odyssey to name a few.

But seriously, robots will never take over the world, and they will never have feelings and emotions...and that's all I have to say about that.

Afros

Afros aren't as "in" as they used to be. I mean, think about how many people used to have afros and don't any more.














Michael Jackson...
















Dr. J....














Me...
Who knows, maybe they will come back into style some day.

Olive Skin

Rob and I were talking about it the other day, and we decided that nobody actually has "olive" skin. I mean, take Jennifer Lopez for example. Most people would say that she has "olive" skin, but it does not look olive colored to me. It looks more like light brown/skin colored.


To illustrate this point, take a look at this picture of Jennifer Lopez, and then look at these olive. Same color? No, not really.






This is her with olive skin. I think the only people who could claim olive skin are Cain and the Wicked Witch of the West.

Restroom Music

I think public restrooms should provide music.

I mean, sometimes you go in there, there are only two stalls and one is used, so you have no choice but to pick the other one. So there you are, sitting there, maybe reading the paper, working on a crossword, but, without going into any detail, there are sounds that would be nice to have drowned out.

Maybe it would be different if you knew the other person, but for a stranger in the neighboring stall, the only thing you really know about them is their gender, and what kind of shoes they wear, and maybe their waist size if you have really good vision, depending on the stall set-up.

All I'm saying is a little background music could easy the awkwardness of the presently silent public restrooms.

Hat Day

Marie Munson, an elementary school teacher, recently reminded me of "days" that I had in elementary school.

There was "hat day," "pocket day," "backwards day," etc. I hope that wherever I end up working has some of those days.

That would be sweet.

Diversity Day

There are some actors who are very diverse, and some who are not. For example, Jon Voight is an extremely diverse actor. Maybe even too diverse. Seriously, for ANY movie you go to, regardless of genre, there is a possibility he is going to pop up somewhere, and you never know if he is going to be a good guy or a bad guy. Here are some movies he has been in:
National Treasurer - a kooky dad
Transformers - the secretary of defense
Holes - Mr. Sir
Tomb Raider - Lara Croft's dad (which is funny cause he really is Angelina's dad)
Zoolander - his dad
Anaconda - the bad guy
Mission Impossible - the bad guy
Catch-22 - a lieutenant

Then you have Nicolas Cage who plays the "you're supposed to like this guy by the end of the movie" good guy. For example:
National Treasurer
Gone in Sixty Seconds
The Rock (TV edit)
Con Air (TV edit)
The Family Man
I dunno, I guess he has some diversity, but I feel like he acts the same character in all his movies even if they are supposed to be different.

Literally

Vizzini: "He didn't fall? Inconceivable!"
Inigo: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means."

Yes, well I suggest another word that is commonly misused: literally.

How many times have you heard someone say something like, "I saw my score and I was literally bouncing of the walls!" Or how about, "That was a rough interview. He literally chewed her out!"

Ironically, in these situations "literally" has come to mean "figuratively." But if I hear another person use that word wrong I will hit them so hard they will literally be launched all the way to China.

No, I'm just kidding, it doesn't even bother me really. It's just funny to think about.

Kind of like how when someone says "Say when" we say "when" and we're not even trying to be funny. I bet whoever made that up thought it was really funny, but everyone stole his joke, so much so that it's not even a joke anymore.

Losing Pens

Where do my pens and pencils keep going? Every semester I buy more, and by the end I only have a couple left. I can only remember where one has gone this semester, and it was destroyed, eradicated by chemicals I spilled on it during my chem lab.

The rest seem to have spontaneously combusted...only a pile of green powder remains, I would guess.

Stepping Stones

These are the stepping stones at Santa Barbara Villa.

They are a perfect length from each other...if you are four years old. For us adults who live here, however, it makes for an awkward walk from your apartment to your car. You end up either taking babysteps the whole way, giant leaps to skip every other one, or you end up walking on the grass next to the steps (what I normally do), completely defeating the purpose of having them there.



It's kind of like when you are walking down steps that are really long (as in the photo on the left), and you end up taking one step on one, and then two steps on the next, and you end up looking like you have a peg leg. So, yeah...

Identity Theft

"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"

Yes, identity theft is a problem, and it brings up an interesting question. What would happen if I killed someone who had stolen my identity? Is it murder? Or is it suicide? Well, who did I kill? Myself, right? So it couldn't be murder. And in a court of law, I would win the case against it being suicide. Who would believe I committed suicide if I can tell them to their face that I didn't.

So-Cal 4-life!

Before I begin, I would like to say that I think southern California is a beautiful place, and I know lots of cool people from there.

Ok, how do you know when someone is from northern California? Because when they introduce themselves, they will say "I'm from California." If they were from southern California, they would have said, "I'm from southern California."

Maybe we should all start specifying which part of the state we're from.
"I'm from E-Mo."
"Where?"
"You know, Eastern Missouri."

Or how about people who say they're from the OC. They abbreviate the county they're from...and add 'the' in front of it for some reason. I guess I could do that too.

"Where specifically in Missouri are you from?"
"The WC."
"What is that, like, water closet?"
"No, West County of course."

Give it some time, it will catch on.

Mission: Impossible

I am an optimist. I am also a realist. I know what I am capable of and I know my limitations. When people say "anything is possible," it is both somewhat true and completely false. Anything is possible, that is realistic. For example, if I put my mind to it, I could probably become a police officer. It is realistic.

However, no matter how bad I want it, I will never be able to become a wolverine, or an alligator. Anything isn't possible.

Apparently nobody had this little talk with "the tiger man" who has decided to tattoo his whole body and mold his teeth so that he looks like a tiger.

Hollywood apparently wants us to believe that anything really is possible. Peter Pan flying to a star, that somewhere along the way turns into a tiny planet where only boys and pirates live. Or why, in any race sequence, does the good guy get behind, somehow have a burst of speed to catch up to the opponent, and then suddenly only be able to keep pace until the last second? Sometimes the message is subliminal. I mean, have you ever noticed. The name of the movie is "Mission:Impossible" and yet he is able to do it. Hmm...

Unicyclists

You know you're in Provo if...you see people riding their unicycle to school.

Yes, not one, not two, but several people ride a unicycle to school. I am not here to make fun of these people. In fact, I applaud their ability to do so because I'm sure it's not easy. But therein lies my concern; it's not easy. It looks like it takes more energy than walking.

So why do it? Are they showing off? We can only hope they're not trying to look cool. Are they trying to get a leg workout? And most importantly, why stop there? Why not hop a pogo-stick to school? or swing a hula hoop? The possibilities are endless.

Crowd Weaving

crowd weave \kraʊdˈwēv\
verb
past crowd wove \ˈwōv\ or weaved; weav·ing

a game played in crowded areas where participants attempt to direct (as the body) in a winding or zigzag course especially to avoid obstacles and collisions.

Yes, based on recent trends, we may see crowd weaving in the 2012 olympics. And if so, you may very well be reading the blog of a future olympian. I am pretty good at crowd weaving. I've been doing it since high school, where I learned from the great Zach VanHecke. The trick to crowd weaving is anticipating openings before they happen. You have to quickly estimate where holes will form based on how fast each person is walking and which direction they are going. Needless to say, when a crowd forms I am the first one out the other end.

If football were played at walking speed, I would be a professional running back.

Bees

If I were a bee making a movie about aliens from another planet, I would hire wasps to play the alien roles. That way I could save money on costumes and put it towards other more important things, like special effects or a good soundtrack.

Olympics 2

Yes, the US won in the overall metal count. But China beat us in gold metals. Is this upsetting? Very. But there is some consolation that comes when considering which metals we won, and which on they won.

We won men and womens basketball!!! They won women's archery...
We won men and womens beach volleyball!!! They won women's badminton...
We DOMINATED in swimming. They dominated in table tennis.

Basically, most of the metals they won were events that shouldn't have been included in the Olympics. So really, did we get more real gold metals than China? You tell me.

Olympics

We are in the middle of some exciting Olympics. Therefore this something that needs to be discussed. No, its not what you all think. I'm not going to go on about why Women's Badminton should not even be an event, nor will I complain about the fact that only the minor league baseball players go to represent the US. No, what I want to know is why there are so many different strokes for swimming.

Seriously though, we all know that if two people were racing to the other side of the pool neither one of them would choose to do the butterfly to get there. Why is there even a butterfly.

You don't see the skip, crab-walk, or backwards run as events in track and field. That's what they should do for swimming. They should let the athletes decide which stroke they want to do, but the first one there and back wins regardless. That would get rid of these shenanigans. Breaststroke? I don't think so.