Madmartigan

2010-05-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

By the way

2010-02-28T11:52:00.000-08:00

I recently realized how often I say "by the way" right before I'm about to say something that has nothing to do with whatever we've been talking about.

Bob: "Hey did you see that new movie this weekend?"
Me: "No, not yet. Hey, by the way, what did you think of that lecture yesterday?"

Oh well, nobody seems to call me on it.

Lemonheads Commercial

2010-02-27T06:48:00.000-08:00

Hollywood

2009-12-12T13:56:00.000-08:00

Why is it that the only thing Hollywood wants us to believe in is Santa Clause?

Gas Gauge

2009-10-29T10:31:00.001-07:00

It is always kind of sad when you first realize that you're not all the way on full anymore. Before then it's kind of like you're driving for free...I mean, it's still on full, and you're driving, and it's not going down. Then it all dissapears and you're paying for your gas again.

Sweet Tooth

2009-07-19T19:37:00.000-07:00

When most people go through their winter coats they get excited because they find they've left a $10 bill in the pocket. Not me. I get excited because I find a bag full of candy. Mmm, Jelly Bellies.

It was scary

2009-07-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

"I saw the Holy Ghost, and it was scary."
-Fin, a 4-year-old in our Primary Class during sharing time

You know how sometimes when you wake up you are still kind of dreaming and things make sense that later don't make any sense. Well, the other night I woke up in just such a state. I had a nightmare about watching a bear attack on TV and in the dream I didn't want to watch it because it was so disturbing to see this person get tortured by a huge bear.

It was the middle of the night when I woke up, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then I started wondering if there were a bear in the house. I started planning out what I would do if it walked into the room. Would it be best to hide under the bed? Should we jump out of the window? If we went in the bathroom and closed the door, would he be smart enough to know he could break it down or would he walk away?

I finally got up and turned on the TV to try to get my mind off the subject. Guess what was on? A show about bears in Yellowstone.

The in-laws

2009-06-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

What is a brother-in-law? What is a sister-in-law? Isn't it just your wife's brother or sister? Or even your sibilings' spouses?

Yeah, well what about the spouses of your siblings-in-laws? They're in-laws too, right? Well, that depends on who you talk to. If you talk to me, no. I mean seriously, if they are your in-laws, then their siblings are also your in-laws too...and their in-laws? And all of a sudden I come to find that Walt Disney was my great-great-in-law. And Mickey Mouse was his brain child, so Mickey Mouse and I are actually kind of related, and nobody can find anyone to date that isn't an in-law, and we all move to Arkansas to get hitched to our relatives.

Although, it would be nice to have so many connections.

Old Printers

2009-05-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

Remember these old printers? How you could make banners with them, and how you had to load them by lining up the holes in the paper with the little notches?

(Sigh) Whatever happened to those things?

Milk Crusties

2009-05-12T12:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever made a shake and then realized that you accidentally must have diced up some sort of plastic item along with everything else, but you try to drink it anyway because you don't want to waste this otherwise perfectly good shake, so you first try to separate the plastic in your mouth and then spit it out, but then you just gulp it down because you figure plastic never killed anyone, and then you can't take it anymore and throw the rest away? I have. It was kind of gross.

I would say it was a milk jug crusty, but there was way to much crustiness to be from a milk jug. Those crusties are out there to get us though. They just sit on the lip of the milk jug waiting for you to pour so it can jump down into your glass and drown in the milk. Nothing you can do, really. The key is prevention.

Old Man Strength

2009-04-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

Once you get to 40 or so, you begin to have old man strength. It's an interesting phenomenon, but they are a lot stronger than you would think. Never underestimate the old man strength when picking a fight.

Pop quiz: Who would win in a fight, Jason Bourne or James Bond?

Answer #1: If it were a James Bond movie, then Bond. Although Jason Bourne is an amazing fighter, James Bond would have some sort of gadget that would kill Jason Bourne when he least expected.

Answer #2: If it were a Bourne Movie, then Jason Bourne. It doesn't matter what kind of gadgets Bond has, Bourne will probably end up killing Bond with his own toothbrush.

Real Answer: It is irrelevant. By the end of the movie Chuck Norris would have killed them both.

Prussia

2009-04-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

I am learning lots of stuff in my History class this semester. Like, did you know that Prussia was not some combination of Russia and Poland. Didn't have anything to do with either one. But with a name like Prussia, who wouldn't think that?

I mean, if there was a new country called the Punited States of America where do you think it would be?

Match

2009-03-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

Is is okay to wear brown and grey together? I mean, if I want to wear grey all-stars with brown cords (which I am right now) that goes right?

It has to go, you know why? I have a shirt that is grey and brown striped. If it doesn't go, then that shirt doesn't match with itself! How can a shirt not match with itself?

I rest my case.

Sugar

2009-03-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

"Too sweet?! How can something be too sweet?! What, is it too good?! I mean I can see something being too sour or too bitter, but too sweet?!"

- Rob

I can only agree with you Rob. I have quite a sweet tooth, but I can't help it, it's in my genes. Grandpa Hintze, Dad, Amy. I mean, how does anyone not have a sweet tooth? How does candy or cake or karo syrup not taste good to them?

I just don't get it. Sweet is good. May I modify a quote.

"Don't try to make it too sweet, that would be impossible. Only try to realize the truth."

"What truth?"

"There is no too sweet."

Internet

2009-03-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

My posts have become few and far between. This is because I don't have any internet where I live. I have essentially warped back into the early 90s. And when I'm working, and have access to the internet, I don't have anything good to post about. All my ideas come when I'm at home, singing in the shower, throwing around the bouncy ball, or staring at the ceiling...

Bottles

2009-02-24T07:47:00.000-08:00

Why do they put the conditioner in the good container on the right and the shampoo in the less good container on the left?

Don't we all agree that one is superior? It's like the ketchup companies that still put their ketchup in the bottles that are way harder to get the ketchup from.

Towel Racks

2009-02-02T22:01:00.000-08:00

It seems like no matter where I go, the towel rack doesn't quite fit two towels on it. One is always a little scrunched up.

I wonder if it is a conspiracy. Like hot dogs and hot dog buns.

Movie Ratings

2009-01-30T22:54:00.000-08:00

When I am browsing through movies, I don't only like to see what they are rated, I like to see why they are rated what they are. You'd be surprised sometimes with what you find. Sure there's the usual "For violence, mild peril, and some innuendo," but every once in a while they have other reasons for the rating. Like:

Quirky situations - Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

Some double-entendres - Dr. Seuss' The Cat In The Hat

Swashbuckling action - Shrek the Third

Intense depiction of very bad weather - Twister

Non-stop creature action violence - Van Helsing

Keep your eyes peeled, and I'm sure you'll find some good ones.

Native American

2009-01-25T17:51:00.000-08:00

When you hear the words "Native American" what do you think? Maybe a dark-skinned, black-haired person with a feather in his hair, like the guy in the photo. That is such a stereotype.

Well, guess what? I know a Native American with light skin and red hair who wears cardinals hats. Me.

Yes, I am a Native American. 100%, actually. I was born in America, and if I'm not Native American what am I? I rest my case.

Sign Wavers

2009-01-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

We've all seen them, and we can't avoid them: sign wavers. They stand on street corners all over the nation spinning, twirling, and in all other ways waving their signs around to try to get your business.

How effective are they? I don't know, but they haven't convinced me to shop anywhere, and if anything have deterred me.

I don't know that there is much job security for a sign waver in these economically hard times we are going through. It seems like they would be so easily replaced by, you know, a pole or something.

That would be a hard one to take wouldn't it? You show up to work and your boss lays you off, and when you ask why he doesn't say its downsizing or that you've been doing a bad job, but he just realized he could buy a $5 post to hold up the sign and have the same effect.

...poor sign wavers...

Wedding Tickets

2009-01-11T13:50:00.001-08:00

What if instead of wedding announcements, you sent out wedding tickets? That way you wouldn't have to worry about wedding crashers.

I showed Laura this example of what our tickets could look like...we didn't end up going with it in the end.

Observations

2009-01-04T14:26:00.000-08:00

A couple final observations from 2008.

For some reason, when waiters pour water, they always pour out of the side of the pitcher, and not from the spout. A lot of the time some water spills on the table.

When I tried to find nail clippers at the store, I couldn't find them near all of the other personal hygiene items. You would think they would be next to the shaving cream or the tooth brushes, but no. I was finally informed that they were next to all of the women's nail care stuff, which was surrounded by other female-only items like lipstick and makeup. I almost didn't want to go over there to get them. There are certain parts of the store that I just prefer to avoid.

Since it's the beginning of a new year, let me know what your favorite post was from last year. Maybe I can do more like that...

Spelling Bee

2008-12-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

I'm the first to admit it. I am not a good speller. It's just one of those things. English doesn't have any rhyme or reason to the way things are spelled, so how am I supposed to know how to spell things.

The i before e rule only works half the time, I don't even know why we teach that one. Sometimes it's f, sometimes is ph, x can sound like a z, c and k are the same. Its a joke. Silent es are all over the place.

The worst is when you ask someone how to spell something and they say to look it up. Uh, if I don't know how to spell it, how am I supposed to look it up?

8-minute abs

2008-11-26T13:28:00.000-08:00

8-minute abs is a joke. Anyone who has done them would agree. I mean, isn't the point of a workout to get stronger.

I didn't even feel sore the next day when I did 8-minute abs. I dropped out after the first 20 seconds and just laid there until the rest of the 8 minutes was up. It was way too hard.

But lets be honest, even if you have the strongest abs in the world buried under two inches of fat nobody is going to see your six pack...it will look more like a keg. If you want to work on your six pack, running on the tread mill might be more useful.

Anyway, I don't think any normal human being can actually do 8-minute abs. If you can...then you are not a normal human being...

Let Go

2008-11-23T14:18:00.000-08:00

When you have a job, you can either quit, get fired, or be let go.

I recently learned about the difference between getting fired and being let go. Apparently being let go is the result of downsizing or related problems, where you didn't actually do a bad job, but they can't keep you.

I wonder if there is a word for a similar situation in dating relationships. I mean, you can break up with someone, be dumped or...what? What is the equivalent of being let go? You know, like when you are dating someone and they are doing a good job but you can't keep dating them because you are moving to China, or you ran out of money or something...I wonder.

Sith

2008-11-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

I love fruit...fruit roll-ups, fruit snacks, trix...

Anyway, I had a deep thought earlier when talking with Rob. When Obi-Wan tells Anakin that "only a Sith deals in absolutes," was he admitting to being a Sith?

Robots

2008-11-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

Jim: "Can Humans and Robots ever peacefully coexist?"
Dwight: "Impossible...with the way they're programmed."

Well, guess what. Robots will never take over the world. I saw WALL.E last night and couldn't ignore the fact that it is basically another movie about robots almost taking over the human race. This is not the first movie of its kind. There is iRobot, Eagle Eye, the Matrix, and 2001: A Space Odyssey to name a few.

But seriously, robots will never take over the world, and they will never have feelings and emotions...and that's all I have to say about that.

Afros

2008-11-02T12:12:00.000-08:00

Afros aren't as "in" as they used to be. I mean, think about how many people used to have afros and don't any more.

Michael Jackson...

Dr. J....

Me...
Who knows, maybe they will come back into style some day.

Olive Skin

2008-10-26T12:19:00.000-07:00

Rob and I were talking about it the other day, and we decided that nobody actually has "olive" skin. I mean, take Jennifer Lopez for example. Most people would say that she has "olive" skin, but it does not look olive colored to me. It looks more like light brown/skin colored.

To illustrate this point, take a look at this picture of Jennifer Lopez, and then look at these olive. Same color? No, not really.

This is her with olive skin. I think the only people who could claim olive skin are Cain and the Wicked Witch of the West.

Restroom Music

2008-10-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

I think public restrooms should provide music.

I mean, sometimes you go in there, there are only two stalls and one is used, so you have no choice but to pick the other one. So there you are, sitting there, maybe reading the paper, working on a crossword, but, without going into any detail, there are sounds that would be nice to have drowned out.

Maybe it would be different if you knew the other person, but for a stranger in the neighboring stall, the only thing you really know about them is their gender, and what kind of shoes they wear, and maybe their waist size if you have really good vision, depending on the stall set-up.

All I'm saying is a little background music could easy the awkwardness of the presently silent public restrooms.

Hat Day

2008-10-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

Marie Munson, an elementary school teacher, recently reminded me of "days" that I had in elementary school.

There was "hat day," "pocket day," "backwards day," etc. I hope that wherever I end up working has some of those days.

That would be sweet.

Diversity Day

2008-10-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

There are some actors who are very diverse, and some who are not. For example, Jon Voight is an extremely diverse actor. Maybe even too diverse. Seriously, for ANY movie you go to, regardless of genre, there is a possibility he is going to pop up somewhere, and you never know if he is going to be a good guy or a bad guy. Here are some movies he has been in:
National Treasurer - a kooky dad
Transformers - the secretary of defense
Holes - Mr. Sir
Tomb Raider - Lara Croft's dad (which is funny cause he really is Angelina's dad)
Zoolander - his dad
Anaconda - the bad guy
Mission Impossible - the bad guy
Catch-22 - a lieutenant

Then you have Nicolas Cage who plays the "you're supposed to like this guy by the end of the movie" good guy. For example:
National Treasurer
Gone in Sixty Seconds
The Rock (TV edit)
Con Air (TV edit)
The Family Man
I dunno, I guess he has some diversity, but I feel like he acts the same character in all his movies even if they are supposed to be different.

Literally

2008-10-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

Vizzini: "He didn't fall? Inconceivable!"
Inigo: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means."

Yes, well I suggest another word that is commonly misused: literally.

How many times have you heard someone say something like, "I saw my score and I was literally bouncing of the walls!" Or how about, "That was a rough interview. He literally chewed her out!"

Ironically, in these situations "literally" has come to mean "figuratively." But if I hear another person use that word wrong I will hit them so hard they will literally be launched all the way to China.

No, I'm just kidding, it doesn't even bother me really. It's just funny to think about.

Kind of like how when someone says "Say when" we say "when" and we're not even trying to be funny. I bet whoever made that up thought it was really funny, but everyone stole his joke, so much so that it's not even a joke anymore.

Losing Pens

2008-09-30T17:04:00.000-07:00

Where do my pens and pencils keep going? Every semester I buy more, and by the end I only have a couple left. I can only remember where one has gone this semester, and it was destroyed, eradicated by chemicals I spilled on it during my chem lab.

The rest seem to have spontaneously combusted...only a pile of green powder remains, I would guess.

Stepping Stones

2008-09-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

These are the stepping stones at Santa Barbara Villa.

They are a perfect length from each other...if you are four years old. For us adults who live here, however, it makes for an awkward walk from your apartment to your car. You end up either taking babysteps the whole way, giant leaps to skip every other one, or you end up walking on the grass next to the steps (what I normally do), completely defeating the purpose of having them there.

It's kind of like when you are walking down steps that are really long (as in the photo on the left), and you end up taking one step on one, and then two steps on the next, and you end up looking like you have a peg leg. So, yeah...

Identity Theft

2008-09-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"

Yes, identity theft is a problem, and it brings up an interesting question. What would happen if I killed someone who had stolen my identity? Is it murder? Or is it suicide? Well, who did I kill? Myself, right? So it couldn't be murder. And in a court of law, I would win the case against it being suicide. Who would believe I committed suicide if I can tell them to their face that I didn't.

So-Cal 4-life!

2008-09-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

Before I begin, I would like to say that I think southern California is a beautiful place, and I know lots of cool people from there.

Ok, how do you know when someone is from northern California? Because when they introduce themselves, they will say "I'm from California." If they were from southern California, they would have said, "I'm from southern California."

Maybe we should all start specifying which part of the state we're from.
"I'm from E-Mo."
"Where?"
"You know, Eastern Missouri."

Or how about people who say they're from the OC. They abbreviate the county they're from...and add 'the' in front of it for some reason. I guess I could do that too.

"Where specifically in Missouri are you from?"
"The WC."
"What is that, like, water closet?"
"No, West County of course."

Give it some time, it will catch on.

Mission: Impossible

2008-09-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

I am an optimist. I am also a realist. I know what I am capable of and I know my limitations. When people say "anything is possible," it is both somewhat true and completely false. Anything is possible, that is realistic. For example, if I put my mind to it, I could probably become a police officer. It is realistic.

However, no matter how bad I want it, I will never be able to become a wolverine, or an alligator. Anything isn't possible.

Apparently nobody had this little talk with "the tiger man" who has decided to tattoo his whole body and mold his teeth so that he looks like a tiger.

Hollywood apparently wants us to believe that anything really is possible. Peter Pan flying to a star, that somewhere along the way turns into a tiny planet where only boys and pirates live. Or why, in any race sequence, does the good guy get behind, somehow have a burst of speed to catch up to the opponent, and then suddenly only be able to keep pace until the last second? Sometimes the message is subliminal. I mean, have you ever noticed. The name of the movie is "Mission:Impossible" and yet he is able to do it. Hmm...

Unicyclists

2008-09-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

You know you're in Provo if...you see people riding their unicycle to school.

Yes, not one, not two, but several people ride a unicycle to school. I am not here to make fun of these people. In fact, I applaud their ability to do so because I'm sure it's not easy. But therein lies my concern; it's not easy. It looks like it takes more energy than walking.

So why do it? Are they showing off? We can only hope they're not trying to look cool. Are they trying to get a leg workout? And most importantly, why stop there? Why not hop a pogo-stick to school? or swing a hula hoop? The possibilities are endless.

Crowd Weaving

2008-09-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

crowd weave \kraʊdˈwēv\
verb
past crowd wove \ˈwōv\ or weaved; weav·ing

a game played in crowded areas where participants attempt to direct (as the body) in a winding or zigzag course especially to avoid obstacles and collisions.

Yes, based on recent trends, we may see crowd weaving in the 2012 olympics. And if so, you may very well be reading the blog of a future olympian. I am pretty good at crowd weaving. I've been doing it since high school, where I learned from the great Zach VanHecke. The trick to crowd weaving is anticipating openings before they happen. You have to quickly estimate where holes will form based on how fast each person is walking and which direction they are going. Needless to say, when a crowd forms I am the first one out the other end.

If football were played at walking speed, I would be a professional running back.

Bees

2008-09-01T22:24:00.000-07:00

If I were a bee making a movie about aliens from another planet, I would hire wasps to play the alien roles. That way I could save money on costumes and put it towards other more important things, like special effects or a good soundtrack.

Olympics 2

2008-08-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, the US won in the overall metal count. But China beat us in gold metals. Is this upsetting? Very. But there is some consolation that comes when considering which metals we won, and which on they won.

We won men and womens basketball!!! They won women's archery...
We won men and womens beach volleyball!!! They won women's badminton...
We DOMINATED in swimming. They dominated in table tennis.

Basically, most of the metals they won were events that shouldn't have been included in the Olympics. So really, did we get more real gold metals than China? You tell me.

Olympics

2008-08-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

We are in the middle of some exciting Olympics. Therefore this something that needs to be discussed. No, its not what you all think. I'm not going to go on about why Women's Badminton should not even be an event, nor will I complain about the fact that only the minor league baseball players go to represent the US. No, what I want to know is why there are so many different strokes for swimming.

Seriously though, we all know that if two people were racing to the other side of the pool neither one of them would choose to do the butterfly to get there. Why is there even a butterfly.

You don't see the skip, crab-walk, or backwards run as events in track and field. That's what they should do for swimming. They should let the athletes decide which stroke they want to do, but the first one there and back wins regardless. That would get rid of these shenanigans. Breaststroke? I don't think so.

Watermelon

2008-08-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

Watermelon may very well be the best flavor. Why? Well, think about it. Watermelon itself is very good. (It's like you're eating and drinking at the same time). Then you got the watermelon Jolly Ranchers, which are excellent, watermelon Blow-Pops, Popsicles, basically anything with watermelon flavoring tastes good.

Apple flavoring is hit or miss. Grape either tastes really good or it tastes like cold medicine. A lot of the other ones don't even taste like a fruit, or anything else for that matter. Some companies have even given up trying to pretend that it has any real flavor to it so they just call it "blue" or "red" or whatever. Actually, not even the watermelon flavoring tastes like watermelon, but it does taste good.

Eating disorder?

2008-08-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

Why do we start off with salad?

I agree that dessert should go last, because it is the easiest to find room for, but it makes more sense to eat the main dish first and then salad.

The main dish is what you need to fit down there. Salad is light, and easy to polish off after you've eaten the meat and potatoes. I mean, when you pack a suit case you don't throw a couple of shirts in first. You stick your shoes in there and books and anything else that takes up a lot of room that can't be squeezed in later...same basic principle.

I dunno, maybe most people aren't trying to figure out how to fit more food in their stomach.

How I eat corn

2008-08-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

I normally eat my corn in rows, left to right.
When I put my pants on, I put my left leg on first.
When I take them off, I take off my left leg first.
But, when I put my shoes on, I put my right shoe on first.
When I eat, I hold my fork in my right hand, and my knife in my left.
I normally sneeze in twos, and it's normally when I walk outside that I need to sneeze.
The toilet paper should roll forward, over the top, not behind like some people put it.
When I brush my teeth, I start on the bottom left.
I do everything right handed and right footed, but if I'm bored in class I take notes with my left hand to practice for when I break my hand or something, if that ever happens.
I part my hair on the left side, even though it always disappears after a couple of minutes.
The vision in my left eye is worse than in my right eye, but with my contacts in I see better with my left eye.

Weird huh?

Lost and Found

2008-08-05T11:52:00.001-07:00

Have you seen me? My name is Jon's cell phone.

This is all that is left of my phone...a picture of it, that isn't actually it, but one that looks just like it but newer that I found on the web.

If I were my cell phone, where would I be? I don't really know, because I've never been a cell phone before.

I do tend to lose things more than other people. I have lost lots of things out here at BYU; tons and tons of pens and pencils, my TI-83, my camera, a sweet highlighter that had a pen on it too, a pair of converse all-stars, my basketball shoes, a pair of jeans, a BYU t-shirt, a black belt, a BYU hoodie, two beanies (in one winter), my keys (many times), my wallet (especially during vacation; i've had to use my passport at least twice that I can remember as ID to get on a plane), my phone, my car (twice, for a while I thought it was stolen), a flash drive (got it back in the BYU lost and found), and my watch (got it back twice in the lost and found) to name a few.

I guess I'm scatterbrained. A lot of the time my hands just pick stuff up and put them places as I pace around (another habit of mine). My mind isn't even conscious of it.

I'm surprised I've never accidentally stolen something while shopping.

Bottled Water

2008-08-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

After much contemplation, I still can't figure out why people keep buying bottled water.

You can buy a bottle of water for up to a dollar at some places, so a gallon would be three or four dollars...That as much as gas costs. Gas!

I know we all need water to survive, but nobody needs to spend a dollar on a bottle of water. "What? Do you think water is just falling from the sky?" Yes! Water is the most abundant resource on the planet. It is literally everywhere. Some places in the world have so much water they are flooding, and they are trying to get rid of the water.

I know what some of you are thinking. "But I buy my water in bulk at Costco so it's only 30 cents a bottle." Well I've got secret for you. It's free! Just turn on the tap...

Opposite Day

2008-08-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

When we were little, my brothers and sisters and I would pick days that would be opposite day, and then we would say the opposite of what we meant to each other...Also a good way to get out of doing chores when you're asked.

Chew on this though; you can never say "It's opposite day" and not be lying.

Antisocial?

2008-07-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I see people I know in random places where I didn't expect to see them, I don't feel like talking to them so I avoid them.

It's worse if I can't remember their name. In that case I duck, turn, or do whatever I have to do to avoid coming into their line of sight. If I know their name then I might go up to them and say hi, or I might just start walking in the other direction even though that's not where I want to go...just depends on my mood. (None of this applies to people I know really well, just people that I kind of know, like that used to be in my ward or something but I never really got to know them).

I don't think I'm agoraphobic or anything, nor do I think I'm antisocial. It's just so awkward sometimes, and I avoid awkwardness.

I also think it's awkward after a temple sealing when everyone hugs the bride and groom (or kisses in Jared Meier's case) on their way out. I don't think most people think this is awkward, I just...I don't know, but it is.

Actually, I just looked up antisocial on the source of all knowledge (wikipedia) and decided that I am not antisocial, but it looks like I may have albuminurophobia, anglophobia, and arachibutyrophobia.

Abbreviations

2008-07-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

Some peeps use lots of abbreviations, not only in writing, but in speech. Some common examples include: the mish, jk, bfd, lol, cpk, mickey d's, the peaks, and bom.

I say these sometimes, mostly as a joke, but I can't tell if I'm being funny, or being a loser...whatevs, I think it comes with being LDS. We abbreviate everything; mia, motab, jsb...ttyl

No offense

2008-07-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

Anytime you have to start out by saying, "No offense, but" you are going to offend someone.

Why would anyone think that asking the person not to take offense before saying something would change whether or not they take offense?

"No offense, but you are the lamest person I know."
"Hmm, well, I would normally take offense to that, but since he told me 'no offense' I guess I can't be offended."

Not likely.

Records

2008-07-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

"The Dark Knight" recently broke records, a box office record of $66.4M among others. However, it seems like every year movies are breaking records. Why could that be possibly? Hmm, I wonder. Could it be that we are completely ignoring a little thing I like to call "inflation"?

Maybe this is the economist in me, but if I were the one keeping the record books, I would adjust all records set in the US and elsewhere for the inflation in each represented country. It only makes sense. I mean, a movie in the 40's never could have made $66.4M so quickly, even if twice as many people went to see it as saw "The Dark Knight."

For similar reasons, I don't think it is fair to compare athletes from different eras. When people try to say "John Doe was the greatest tennis player that ever played," it's hard for me to really swallow that. Who knows if he was the best. He never played any of the greats from other eras.

Not only are the players constantly changing, but in a lot of sports rules even change, and conditions, not to mention hair styles and shorts length. I only think its fair to assign a player, "the greatest player of his time" titles. Like Michael Jordan for example. He was the greatest basketball player of his time. But we don't need to waste time comparing him to people that played decades before him, nor do we need to compare him to next years rookies.

But that's just my opinion.

Sleep Theories

2008-07-18T10:55:00.001-07:00

I have two sleep theories based on personal observations.

1. The benefits of sleep follow the pattern outlined in this graph. It basically says that there isn't a lot of benefit from getting only a few hours of sleep, but the jump between getting six and seven hours of sleep is a huge difference. And between seven and eight is a big difference too, but after eight the benefits don't increase much, and even start to go down. When you get more than nine hours of sleep, you just feel like a loser the rest of the day.

2. When you don't get very much sleep, the effects are stronger the following day, and not the day that you got little sleep. So if you only get four hours of sleep, that day you may not be too tired, but the day after you will be drained, even if you get lots of sleep that night. That's why two nights before a test is when I try to get a good nights rest.

Of course, neither of these are tested (by me at least, maybe someone out there has proven them true or false) but they seem true to me.

Sprinklers

2008-07-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

Why are there so many sprinklers that water the sidewalk? Seriously, every time I go running someone has a sprinkler on that is watering the sidewalk.

I mean, when I'm running I don't even care, cause it feels good, but is it really that difficult to just water your lawn?

I'm not necessarily talking about the sprinklers that attach on the end of a hose, because I guess sometimes those are harder to adjust and what not, but if you have a system installed in your house, wouldn't they be able to make it just water the grass when they install it?

Even parks (and BYU) have water running down the street and into the sewer because they miss the lawn.

Obviously it's not a really big problem, but a peculiar one because it doesn't seem like it would be too hard to fix.

Maybe that is the problem right there...it's so simple that nobody will bring themselves to fix it, kind of like how I keep avoiding organizing this pile of stuff that has accumulated next to my bed. It wouldn't take long, but, I dunno...you know?

Jell-O

2008-07-16T08:04:00.001-07:00

This is an imitation Barbie in imitation Jell-O...

I obtained this doll from an April Fools joke played on me this year. I figured it would be funny to stick it under my roommate's pillow one day, and then it turned into a game...we would take turns hiding her till the other one found her. She made it on the ceiling fan (luckily I saw her before I turned it on), in the shower, in the refrigerator (holding the milk jug), and for this last one I put her Jell-O...she is supposed to look like she is swimming.

Favorites

2008-07-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

Hey-o, everyone out there in SyberWorld. Here are some of my favorites (I can't include things like favorite movie or candy bar because I can't decide...):

My Favorite...
Color: Blue
Holiday: Christmas
Hymns: "Joseph Smith's First Prayer" and "Redeemer of Israel"
Church Movie: "Mr. Kruger's Christmas"
Six Flags Ride: Batman
Cartoon: Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner
Children's Game: Hide and Seek
Ninja Turtle: Michaelangelo
Number: Infinity+2...there's nothing higher than that
Harry Potter Book: Half-Blood Prince
Chips: Hint of Lime Tostitos
Disney Princess: Aurora
Harrison Ford Movie: The Fugitive
Bad Actress: Emma Watson
Good Actress: Audrey Hepburn
Utahism: Expecially (meaning especially...incidentally, if you are from Utah, you may not know what I'm talking about)
Church Dance Fast Song: Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
Church Dance Slow Song: I Do It for You - Bryan Adams (I like this one because you get to the point in the song where it sounds like it is over so you stop dancing and then it starts up again and there is that awkward 'should I go find the girl I just stopped dancing with and keep dancing?' struggle)

The Hungry Shopper

2008-07-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been grocery shopping when you're hungry? It is a totally different experience than when you are not hungry. Everything looks good. Normally you eye prices, compare foods, look around...but when you're hungry you just start throwing things in your cart, not even thinking about it.

Canned asparagus? Yeah that looks good. How about some sardines in oil? Why not, it's got protein.

Then you rush home and eat something and you're not hungry anymore and you look back at all the food you just bought and realize what just did...bought a bunch of food you will never eat. No joke, I have even been tempted to buy those milk bone dog treats before...they kind of look like they have frosting on the outside...might be good, I don't know...the dogs sure like them.

Zipper Noise

2008-07-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

It's always hard to open up your scriptures when everything is quiet during a lesson or a talk or something because there is that loud zipper noise. You have to make that key decision: do you try and do it quick enough that it's not distracting to everyone, or do you try to do it slowly so it doesn't make very much noise?

Mostly I go slowly and try to muffle the noise by putting my finger on the zipper as I go, but my new scripture case doesn't muffle well...

It's also awkward when you are trying to have a whisper conversation with someone in a quiet area, like the library or in a class, when they don't really know how to whisper.

Some people are just whisper shouters...

Cardinal Nation

2008-07-09T16:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, I don't mean to poke fun of Hank Steinbrenner, but after reading this quote I seriously wonder about his grasp on reality:

"This is a Yankee country. We're going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order."

Restore the universe to order? I don't think there needs to be any retaliation to this comment...I don't think anyone will take it seriously...

Forwards

2008-07-06T19:32:00.000-07:00

I always wonder about these forwarded mass emails. What do I wonder?...I wonder why?

Why am I supposed to forward it to everyone I know within five minutes?
Why will it bring me good luck if I do?
Why should I believe that it worked for someone else when I don't even know them or how lucky they are?
Why should I believe any of the ridiculous stats they throw at me, like "this email has already made it around the world ten times?" What does that even mean?
What disaster could possibly befall me should I delete the email before forwarding it?

Really though, is someone trying to break a world record with these seemingly pointless forward emails, or what? I wonder...

To quote Michael Scott, "I'm not super stitious...but I am a little stitious."

Movie Talkers

2008-07-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

I know I do things that are annoying to some people, so if I know that it annoys someone I stop doing it, but otherwise I just go for it, like singing in the shower (one time I woke up Mike on accident, I didn't realize I was so loud), singing along with songs in the car (but I always invite everyone else to sing along too, and I turn up the music so we all sound just like the actual singer), quoting movies as they go (I just can't help myself sometimes), making fun of movies as you watch them.

I mean, what is the point of watching a movie by yourself? The most fun part is making comments about the movie as it goes, and if you're alone, you would just be talking to yourself, in which case you are definitely not annoying anyone, but you might have other issues.

The exception to talking is if you are seeing the movie for the first time and it is kind of complicated, in which case you might miss crucial dialog.

On a side note, I have seen one movie by myself in the theater, but that was one of those, "we'll meet you inside" deals where they never showed up. Am I a loser because of that? No, they are the losers. But actually, it was kind of lame movie, so maybe...we'll call it a draw.

Movie Titles

2008-07-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

Fake movies that sound like they would be bad movies, yet people would probably still see:

Once Upon a Nightmare (A man comes back from the dead suffering from amnesia and falls in love with his daughter only to find that she is a zombie)

Back to the Shire (Author JR Tolkien, as a result of childhood trauma, becomes schizophrenic and develops a second personality as a hobbit)

Not Another High School Football Movie (...the underdogs win...)

Love Me Twice, Shame on Me (An unlikely couple finds love only to discover that she has a terminal illness. After they break up she is miraculously cured and they get back together only to have him dump her once again for unrelated reasons)

Death Sentence (An uneducated man receives a letter in the mail that contains only one sentence and he must correct its grammar within one week or else he will die)

Old Timers

2008-06-30T18:29:00.001-07:00

There are many things I'm grateful for. Most of them are obvious, but some of them you might not guess. Like I'm grateful that spelling was not a school subject after third grade. I'm also grateful I wasn't born in the future. Based on most futuristic movies things are not going to be as good as you might think. I'm also grateful that I'm old enough to remember when Vanilla Ice was cool, but young enough at the time that I never actually tried to be like him...

It's funny to think about the things I used to think we were all saying, and then when I got older I finally realized we were saying something else. Like "old timer's disease" (Alzheimer's) or that we are "human beans." Actually, I think that last one was what Rob used to think...

Dreams

2008-06-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

I almost always wake up remembering dreams. Even when I take naps or fall asleep in class, I normally remember some weird dream I was having. My dreams are just that though: weird. Occasionally they are really sad or disturbing. I have died many many times in my dreams, and on occasion somebody else dies, but mostly its me, and I spend the rest of the dream as a spirit.

You know how you dream that you're falling and then you wake up right before you hit the ground? I just hit the ground and then float around as a ghost the rest of the dream. I have accidentally driven a bus off a cliff (Carter was in it with me, and I apologized for my reckless driving as we were falling), been shot in the head (this one was actually kind of cool because I could feel the hot blood run down the side of my face before I actually died), and been wiped out by an atomic bomb (I could see the mushroom cloud and the wall of fire headed my way and I knew that it was useless to run so I just stood there and took it) just to name a few ways. I've even tried to find the spirit world in a dream before, because I knew that was where I was supposed to go next.

Does all of this mean that I am destined to face death someday?...I can't really say...but yes.

Men's Shoes

2008-06-21T18:24:00.000-07:00

Myth: Men do not have a lot of shoes.

Fact: Men do have a lot of shoes.

The reason for this common misconception is that guys do not often have a ton of casual shoes, just a couple pair that will match anything. However, we have to get shoes for lots of other purposes: basketball, running, church, yard work, flip flops, cleats, etc.

Women, however, have lots of shoes for a different reason: a pair for every outfit...very different from guys since we don't even have "outfits," we just have clothes.

Otter*Pops

2008-06-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Otter Pops are amazing. I don't even pretend that I'm going to eat just one anymore. I usually grab a whole sleeve and bring the scissors with me.

As for the other imitation brands. Some of them can be good, but I haven't met any that are quite as good, and some are actually pretty bad. And since Otter Pops come out to 3.5 cents each, it is worth going with the name brand on this one.

Red Heads

2008-06-19T09:22:00.001-07:00

Most people think all red-heads look alike. I can't tell you how many times I have been talking with someone and another red head passes by and they ask me, "Hey are you guys related?" or "Hey there's your twin."

Oh yeah? Well you don't see me going around telling you you look just like everyone else with blond hair, or brown hair, or whatever color hair you have. Why? Oh c'mon!

Even in movies. People have told me I look like this guy from "A Beautiful Mind" and "A Knight's Tale."

...the funniest part is that you all reading this are probably looking at the picture thinking, "yeah, you do look just like him."

Bad Sequels

2008-06-18T23:19:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of bad sequels out there. Why? This is my theory. If the first movie is good, the film makers figure that if they make another movie everyone who liked the first one will still see the second one even if it gets bad reviews.

The real problem is this: they are right!

Disney takes the most advantage of this fact. I feel like they make seconds of any and every movie and only a select few are any good. Think about it. Pocahontas II? Yeah. That's why we shouldn't go see bad sequels. If it gets bad reviews, don't go.

There are the rare sequels that are actually better than their predecessors. Like Rocky IV was the best one. Bourne Ultimatum may be the best of the three, but that's debatable.

Then there are the sequels that start to get ridiculous. How many Land Before Times are they going to make? And High School Musical III? Hmm...

Merit Badges

2008-06-12T13:21:00.001-07:00

A few merit badge ideas that the BSA never approved:

Changes

2008-06-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

It's always awkward when you notice something new about someone you know, but can't really compliment them on it because it wouldn't be a compliment. For example, when you suddenly see an acquaintance with a bad haircut, or new funny-looking glasses, or singed eye brows or something, you just go on like you didn't notice.

It gets awkward, though, when in the middle of the conversation they mention it and you have to act like you didn't really notice before. It's like, "hey, I accidentally singed off my eye brows," and you reply with "Oh really? I didn't even notice," when really you're thinking, "yeah, uh, I'm not blind."

Kid Tricks

2008-06-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny the way kids trick eachother? Like, if one kid wants to play a videogame that the other one is playing, he will say "Oh, let me play, I'm really good at this level." Doesn't the other kid know that it doesn't matter if he is good because it's no fun to watch him.

Or like when you want to get a kid to do something they don't want to do, all you have to do is race them to do it, and they're off.

The Couch

2008-06-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

If my wife ever threatened me with," then you're sleeping on the couch," I would not feel threatened. I sleep on the couch all the time. If it is a good couch and it's long enough, I sleep just as well if not better on a couch. Plus, couches are often placed in front of the tv, so you have something to fall asleep to.

Maybe I would pretend to feel threatened so I could do whatever I was going to do, sleep on the couch and be fine with it, and then she could keep using that threat and I wouldn't care.

Actually, I wouldn't want to be married to someone who makes threats like that to me. I mean, it's like the girls who never want to hang out with me. I wouldn't want to marry them anyway. Can you imagine being married to someone who never returns your calls and only wants to hang out with other people?...me neither.

Flying

2008-05-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

For some reason, when I fly I always get ginger ale. I almost never get it anywhere else.

I also can't help but fall asleep on the plane. Even when I want to stay awake I can't help it, which is weird, because I'm usually not really comfortable.

Hot Hot Hot

2008-05-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been in the shower and noticed a sudden change in water pressure?

That is a scary moment, because you know that the water is about to come out either really hot, or really cold.

Not much you can do either. You could turn the water off really quick, or go to the back and just burn your feet.

Food Aromas

2008-05-22T20:13:00.000-07:00

When I walk by a bakery or a barbecue or any place where cooking is going on I always think it smells good. Most people do right?

"Mmm, smells like someone is barbecuing, it smells so good."

But then you go to the barbecue and you end up smelling like the barbecue. For some reason when the aroma transfers from the steak to your clothes it no longer smells good.

"Wow, you smell like you just got back from a barbecue," is not a compliment. It means you should put on some different clothes, "'cause you stank."

The same goes for restaurants. You walk in and, "Oo, smells good." Then you when you leave you have to apologize to everyone, "Sorry I smell, I just got back from [insert restaurant here]."

Why is that?

Circles

2008-05-18T21:36:00.001-07:00

You know how whenever you are somewhere were there are a lot of people (like a party, or ward prayer) everyone tends to get into little circles to talk? Well, sometimes you get into one of those conversations and you realize that you would rather leave your circle and join another one, but you can't really do it without being obvious.

I mean, it's not like you're on the phone and can just say that you have to go do something like...they are going to see you walk over to the other circle and start talking.

You can try the fake cough, turn your head and walk away...
You can try to pretend like you have to ask someone in the other circle something...
You can start talking about how you recently started buying the generic brand of baked beans and when you take off the label you can't tell the difference. That might drive everyone else out of the circle.

But really, maybe the best thing to do is to have a determined look in your eyes and say "excuse me." Ain't nothing nobody's gonna do about that.

ESPN

2008-05-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

ESPN is the only channel that was so good they had to make another one just like it: ESPN2

Clothes

2008-05-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

Today I bought some new clothes. This is always an interesting experience. I hate shopping for clothes, yet I like getting new clothes...catch-22.

Probably what I dislike most is trying on clothes. It's funny though, because for some reason I always imagine that once I put the clothes on I will look just like the people in the pictures all over the store, having fun, looking good, probably with wet hair for some reason...but when I try them on, it's just me again, with new clothes.

Cereal

2008-05-08T10:31:00.000-07:00

For most of the things I get at the grocery store I just pick the cheapest brand, unless it looks gross, but for cereal it is a much harder decision.

Am I feeling healthy or do I give in to the sweet tooth?
How much does it cost?
How big is the box?
Are there any prizes inside?
Is there a maze on the back?
These are all things I have to consider before making my decision.

Today I couldn't really decide so I got the Reeses cereal and Blueberry Morning. Between the two they fit all the criteria minus the prize inside.

Bee Money

2008-05-05T15:15:00.000-07:00

The Noni Videos

2008-05-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

Tahitian Noni...More than meets the taste bud.

Just Not Like That

2008-04-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

If you heard the following conversation, you would probably know exactly what Jill is trying to say:

Jan: "Hey Jill, I heard through the grapevine that Bill is going to ask you out!"
Jill: "Oh, that's nice..."
Jan: "What's the matter? Don't you like him."
Jill: "I do. Just not like that."

Hmm, just not like that? I can't really say that this phrase is womanese since guys use it too, which luckily means that everyone understands it, except maybe people who learned English as a second language.

The same people might also have a tough time interpreting the following phrases of yesteryear:

"No Duh" or "No Doy"
"Talk to the hand"
"Sike!"
"Peace out"
"Aiight"
"As if"
"Hecka" (in Utah at least. Yes, this is a clean blog)
"Phat"
"The bomb"
"Not!" (tagged on after a sentence)
"How come?" (meaning "What?"...I guess we still say this, but it doesn't really make sense)

Anyway, some of those we should try to bring back. Others, me might try to forget about.

Games

2008-04-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

In my experience, members of the church play games way more than everyone else. In fact, I don't think Uno would exist if it weren't for church members.

The funny thing about playing games with church members is that you're never actually playing the game by the normal rules. No, everyone got bored with those rules a long time ago. That's when they started making up their own rules.

We don't play Uno, we play "Card for talking," or "Spaz Uno." We don't play Spoons (which I think we made up anyway) we play "Full-contact spoons." We don't play Scrabble, we play "Speed Scrabble." We don't play Rook, we play "Mormon rook." We don't play Tag, we play "Missionary tag." The list could go on.

Do I think we should stop thinking up new games to entertain ourselves on Monday nights? Let me put it this way: No, I do not.

Tipping

2008-04-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

Inspired by some discussion between Emily Jane and myself, I raise the question we have all been avoiding for years: Do we need to tip the people at Sonic?

On the one hand, it is just a fast food place, and they don't ask for tips at McDonald's or Burger King. On the other, they do bring the food out to your car.

The same question could be asked about the tip cups at ice cream places that seem to be popping up like old girlfriends on Valentines Day. Aren't they just doing their job by getting me the ice cream?

Then again, waiters and barbers are just doing their job, and I always expect to tip them.

Then we have to ask ourselves, where does the tipping end?! The way we are going, will I eventually be tipping the librarian for helping me find a book? or the checker at the grocery store for scanning my food?

The answer to these questions may be the same as the answer to the question of how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop: the world may never know.

Packaging

2008-04-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

Some companies just don't make easy-to-open containers when their competitors
do. I'm surprised the market hasn't driven these hard-to-open containers out. For example:

Hard to open ice-cream with that weird flap on the side vs. easy to open removable tops

Hard to open capri-suns vs. easy to open squeeze-its (oddly enough, it was squeeze-its that were done away with. Although I can open a capri-sun now, the target consumer is kids who are about seven years old and probably squirt it all over themselves every time they try to open it)

Then you have CDs...When other products are coming out claiming to be able to easily open your product, wouldn't you suspect there is a problem with your packaging?

Serving Size

2008-04-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

Serving sizes must be made so that the food you're eating doesn't seem as bad for you as it really is. The other day I bought a cookie and on the package it said "Servings Per Container: 4"

I thought maybe it was an error, I mean, there was only one cookie in the bag, but no, the serving size was 1/4 cookie, and this was a very average size cookie.

I guess they wanted it to seem like the cookie only had 230 calories when it really had 920.

Matt just bought me a vitamin water (I thought I would "try it") and the servings per container is 2.5. I guess they would have felt dumb if the serving had 250% vitamin C so they cut down the serving size.

Once I bought a candy bar that was three serving sizes.

Well, in retrospect, maybe the food companies are trying to get us to share more. I mean, when I saw that the candy bar was supposed to be for three people, I kind of felt selfish eating it all by myself.

Fads

2008-04-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

We have all fallen victim to different fads at one point or another.

Here are a few of mine. What are yours?

The Bowl Cut

The Slap Bracelet

The Foakleys

The Etch-a-sketch

Pogs

The Wilk

2008-04-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up really early to study before my final at 7:00. After studying at home for a while I decided to go up to campus for a change of venue.

I went to the Wilk since I knew the library would be closed. When I approached the door I noticed a sign in the inside of the door that was unreadable because the metal door frames were blocking it.

I figured it said that the building was closed but since the lights were on I gave the door a push and to my surprise it opened, knocking off the sign, as it was resting on the door handle.

The sign did say that the building was closed, but I figured that they just didn't take the sign down yet, because obviously the building was open. I went in, sat down on a couch and studied for almost an hour when I heard, "How did you get in? The building's closed."

I felt like saying something like, "Oh I just climbed in through the roof," or "I used a glass cutter," but this guy didn't look like he would appreciate that kind of response.

Without trying to be smart I said, "Through those doors." He went over to them, saw they were open, and said he was surprised an alarm didn't sound. He didn't look to happy with me but didn't kick me out since the building was going to open in 5 minutes anyway.

Naps

2008-04-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

I love a good nap, just like I love a good night's rest. You know how I know if it was good? If I have no concept of time or space when I wake up. For instance, today when I woke up from my nap, I had no idea if I was waking up in the morning or night, what day it was, or what my name was. That was a good nap.

On the flip side, during finals or any time of stress I will wake up over and over during the night from nightmares of sleeping through the final. I end up waking up way to early, I know exactly where I am and why I can't sleep.

Womanese

2008-04-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

Womanese is an interesting language. It sounds just like English but is basically a language of false cognates that throw off non-speakers. You may think you understood perfectly when in reality you did not. (Refer to the image of the old man contemplates womanese with Willow).

I don't claim to speak womanese, but I have picked up a few phrases here and there. For example (translation in italics):

Notice anything new?

I can't believe you didn't already say something about my new outfit (or whatever it is) but I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself by noticing now and telling me how much you love it

I'm not ready for a relationship right now

I don't want to have a relationship with you. Hopefully someone else comes along.

We should hang out sometime
Why haven't you asked me out yet!

It's up to you

Pick what I want

I just want to get to know you better
I don't want to see you again

Let me think about it

Maybe
Still no

That was a stupid question

Weather

2008-04-11T00:24:00.000-07:00

It's April 11, and I just walked home in the snow.

Rob put it well when he said:

"Dude, Satan may not have control over the waters, but in Utah he definitely has control over the weather!"

Catch-22

2008-04-10T18:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I can't study because I'm too anxious, but the reason I'm anxious is because I haven't studied.

Sometimes I don't go to bed early because I took a nap during the day. But the reason I took a nap during the day is because I couldn't go to bed early the night before.

And sometimes I can't concentrate on school work because there's a good game on ESPN.

I know that last one isn't a catch-22, but it is soo true.

T-Shirts

2008-04-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

I bet I could go the rest of my life without buying another t-shirt for two reasons:

1. they last a long time

2. free t-shirts are all over the place. I've got free (or basically free) shirts from basketball games, my fhe group, march of dimes participation, choirs I sang in, Disney World...the list is endless. I even got one for voting in the BYUSA elections.

I don't know who is footing the bill for all of these t-shirts, but I hope they keep it up.

Actually, I just put on my economist hat and realized that I probably am paying for these shirts indirectly through higher ticket prices, entrance fees, tuition, etc...oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Speed Walker

2008-04-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

I have a tendency to walk fast, even when I'm not in a hurry.

Sometimes when I see other fast walkers I make it a race, without letting them know. I almost always win.

I should probably just chill out and walk slower...but I do win most of the time.

Leavers

2008-04-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

Today I got to go to two sessions of General Conference! I noticed that at both sessions people started leaving before it was over...I guess they thought we were ahead by so much it wasn't worth seeing the very end.

The Wave

2008-04-04T16:37:00.001-07:00

"Do we know each other?" said Cary Grant
"Why? Do you think we're going to?" replied Audrey Hepburn

These lines come from "Charade", and they bring up an interesting situation.

We all know it's embarrassing to see someone waving in your direction and mistakenly assume they are waving to you as you return the wave, only to realize that they are waving to someone behind you. Sometimes, but not likely, embarrassment can be avoided if you keep waving as you pass the person to make them think you were waving to someone behind them. However, this is only marginally embarrassing since you obviously don't know the person, and aren't likely to see them again.

However, even more embarrassing is assuming that the person is waving to someone behind you, only to realize that they are were waving to you and you can't remember who they are! "Hey Jon!" "Oh, hi...how are you?" Now I have someone in front of me who surprisingly knows all about me and I can't even think of their name or how I might know them. This is much more embarrassing. But can you blame me? I mean, I've been going to BYU so long that everyone's face seems familiar to me, so I can't assume I know someone just because I recognize their face. And since I'm bad with names, I'm stuck in a rut.

The effect: Now sometimes I don't even say hello to people I know if they don't see me because my mind has been conditioned to link awkwardness with running into people unexpectedly. I am trying to get out of this habit...the best solution I can see is to graduate and move away from Provo.

Load Size

2008-04-01T15:42:00.001-07:00

This is the knob on the washer in our apartment. I haven't done a medium load since I moved in.

It's either small, or EXTRA large! Nothing in between!

Taste

2008-03-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

Why do we say that someone has "good taste" or "bad taste"?

A person's "taste" is based on his or her set of preferences. We can assume that everyone has a different set of preferences; even those pairs of individuals that seemingly have exactly the same "taste." Though they agree on most things, given an infinite number of choices it is very probable that they will differ in at least some preferences.
Accusing people of having "bad taste" or agreeing that they have "goodtaste" arises when someone notices that another individual prefers or doesn't prefer the same thing as him or her. For example, Tom may own apair of blue tennis shoes. When Tom notices that Jim owns a similar pair he may compliment him on his "good taste." Then when he notices that Bill wears red tennis shoes, which Bill prefers over blue ones, Tom may snicker to Jim that Bill has "bad taste."
However, not all preference disagreements seem to merit the accusationof having "bad taste." For example, Tom may prefer to read the sports section of the newspaper and then read the business section. If Bill prefers to read the business section first, it is not likely that Tom will accuse him of having "bad taste." Tom will merely acknowledgethat they have different preferences.
The following question now arises: when do incongruities in preferences merit the "bad taste" label? It has been my observation that most preferences of this merit are included in "fashion" (i.e.clothes, accessories, interior designing, landscaping), but also extend to things as simple as what books a person likes to read, or what movies they enjoy.
Still, how do we define which preferences are "good" and which are"bad"? This is a tricky situation indeed. After all, when Bill hears that Tom thinks his shoes are not tasteful, he won't suddenly agree, realizing that the shoes he bought are tasteless. In fact, it is more likely that he will defensively accuse Tom of having "bad taste."
It does not appear that there will soon, or ever, be any agreement on a set of "good" preferences. If such were the case, and nobody purchased anything of "bad" taste, there would be no market for anything but tasteful items.

Due to this improbability I suggest that instead of using "bad taste" to describe a situation such as Bill and Tom's, Tom might say that Bill has different taste, and leave it at that, since that is the only real conclusion that can be drawn.

Note: In all of this discussion, one may argue that "good taste" is that which is most common or popular (i.e. Tom would say that he hasgood taste since 2/3 of the office workers have his preference and only 1/3 have Bill's). However, I'm sure that this person, given enough time to think, will find a case in which one of their preferences is not the most common preference and must then conclude that they also have "bad taste."

Bananas

2008-03-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

This week I bought two bananas at the store, so that none of them would go bad. I ate one, and the other one went bad before I could get to it.

I love bananas. They are nutritious and tasty, but we've got to get some scientists on making them last longer.

They are only good for one day. If they're green, they're no good and they stick to your teeth and taste gross. Once they get even one spot on them, they taste gross again and they make me cough (just like green jolly ranchers, which I eat anyway because they taste good).

Solution: Buy them one at a time. Problem: I don't go to the store every day. Solution: Someone should open up a banana stand near campus. (The ones they sell in the Wilk aren't always good). Really though, if a little kid wants to make some money, sell good bananas right next to campus in the morning and around lunch time. Nobody wants to buy lemonade. It doesn't go bad, and it's easy to make. Good bananas, however, are hard to come by.

On a side note, it's always funny when people take bad bananas and stick them in the freezer, pretending that someday they will make banana bread. I wish I had a nickel for each time someone didn't follow through on that one.